Resolutions?

Technically my resolutions should have taken place today, but since I had the day off and I still consider it the holiday it all starts tomorrow (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). Which will be tough.  Trying to write about this subject and not seem preach-y is nearly impossible. The truth is I always start off with the best of intentions, and by about the second or third week in January have failed.

I did find though that once I changed the word 'resolution' to 'goal' it became easier to maintain. A goal is something to attain, and therefore once I've conquered it I feel better. Whereas to me a resolution means a complete life style change and that seems so enduringly long I usually don't stick with it.

Last year I made a goal of doing a prayer journal and getting my Twitter followers to 40. I have completed my prayer journal (I used a Billy Graham one), and I have read the entire New Testament (Part of the Journal).  Plus, I now have 61 Twitter followers.

So this year I have two new goals:

1. To get in the habit of working out for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night, except for Wednesday and Friday nights.
2. To start using an eye make up remover every time I wash my face. I'm in my thirties now, gotta make sure I take even more care of my skin.

And that's it. I might add, as I do, to the goal list, but I try to keep it more than one, and five or less. Too many and I freak out.

This song always puts me in a great mood, and fits with how excited I am for the new year.



The Finer Things
by: Steve Winwood

Much Love,
Kelli

PS: I adored the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Of course I liked the first one too...

Life Application: Getting Points While Driving

Since taking my own challenge I have come up with a series of arbitrary points that I use to keep myself motivated to not tell myself to shove the challenge and pull that jerk out of his car and beat him until some sense has been restored.

Not only am I now paying attention to how drivers treat me (not that it was an issue before), but now I'm paying attention to my own actions.

Thus the creation of the point system:
* There are three things to remember: 1. the point amount can vary based on the situation.  If the person is an incredible jerk not retaliating then can be assigned more points.  2. You know your triggers, feel free to make up your own "good for me" points. 3.Take a breather and focus on personal point goals.  Even if the jerk cut you off.

Here is how I did last night going to get a pedicure, driving to World Market and Target to get Lora ginger snaps and ginger ale, and coming home.

1. I got a point for not slowing down to a slow crawl for the white mini van that rode my butt.

2. I got a point for only throwing my hands up in the air and not a finger gesture AND

3. I got two points for not honking at the same woman who after several minutes decided to do a u-turn back into the parking lot instead of going right or left.

4. I got three points for again not slowing down to a ridiculously slow crawl to the woman in the SUV who thought that by driving faster and getting on my butt was the way to get me to move faster.

* In residential areas I do not speed. Period. Even well traveled residential areas.  More people are walking these days and I'm not about to hit them so you can forget it! Rant: Over

5. I got a point taken away for speeding up to beat another car at a four way stop so the woman behind me had to wait on two cars before going. ** Well worth the point reduction (see: number 4)!

Total points scored: 6 points out of a possible 7 for the evening.  I don't know if that is good or not, but for me I thought I did relatively well.

So my question is how are you doing?

Need more zen music?  I know I used mine.  Here's another great song:



Holiday Review
by Magnolia Sons

It just sounds like a perfect summer day to me.

Much  Love,
Kelli

Driving Force

The more I see

The less I know
The more I like to let it go

Red Hot Chili Peppers "Snow (Hey Oh)"

This came to me on Friday, and suddenly I had to write about it and get it off my chest.  It is something that gets to me every time I see it, feel it, hear about it, or read about it.  That is Road Rage.  This past week a little boy, age four, was shot in the back.  It should sicken your stomach when you read such stories. People being killed, wounded, and their families forever altered because of road rage.  And yet we still refuse to address the issue at hand.  The reason for such acts.  Us.

Every single one of us that drives is responsible for our actions, and never has our selfishness escalated in such a way as it does on the road.  How many times have you sat in a line of cars to see some jerk travel down the blocked road to get in closer to the front instead of of waiting in line the way everyone else does?  It is selfish and terrible.  How many of you have done that yourself?

There is a universal principle that we all operate under and that is that each of us is a great driver.  The truth is that at any given time we can make a split decision that will effect someone else on the road.  I could describe in the last week the things that were done to me that upset me.  You have a list too.  The only way any of this is going to change is if you and I decide that no matter what we are going to drive the way God wants us to.

So I'm issuing a challenge to you and me.  If we want the way people drive to change we have to change.  There is no other way around it.  You can't ask someone to do something you are not willing to do.  I know it may not seem like it will make much of a difference, but that is a lie that laziness and fear love to spew.

Here are things I want to see incorporated, and you can certainly add to the list.

• When someone lets you in, wave!
• If you see someone trying to get into a lane, let them in.
  (If they are trying to get in after going down the lane knowing it is ending I'll let you use your best judgement.)
• Don't cut someone off, there are few rare cases when you don't know you've done it. Don't act like you haven't known exactly what you were doing. Slow up or speed down, but don't cut off!
• When a driver is obnoxious don't retaliate. To help you achieve that have something that will calm you. Anything short of alcohol or drugs that will make you zen is recommended.
• If someone is not going the speed limit, do not ride their butt.  Go around them if you can (without waving your thoughts at them), or once again find your zen.
• Use your blinker appropriately.
• Do not honk at the person who stopped at the light like they are suppose to.
• NEVER, EVER stop on railroad tracks. EVER. EVER.

I live and work just a couple of miles from the #15 Worst Traffic Spot in the Nation! I'm not advocating you be stupid or not drive like you know people are stupid, but there are some common courtesies that would help ease the driving experience.

I will give you an honest account for the next week about my progress as I've been guilty of every one of these except the last one.  My dad taught me to have a healthy respect for trains.

Unfortunately "love your neighbor as yourself" applies to driving too.  So, come take the challenge with me and see what changes for you.  Let me know as good or bad I would love to hear the stories.  Even if it is to agree with you that the jerk deserved it and you deserve sainthood for dealing with it.

Here is my zen music and inspiration:



Snow (Hey Oh)
by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Much Love,
Kelli

Thinking vs. Prayer

For quite a while I had a hard time with the concept of  "positive thinking" versus prayer.  The way it was presented to me it was one or the other, and while I understood the concept of positive thinking I know the power of prayer.

However, I have come to find that there really isn't a fight between the two because each of them is different. How to use "positive thinking" with prayer has slowly been solidifying in my mind for months now, but this weekend it was cemented.

On Saturday I attended a women's conference at a local church and the great Thelma Wells was headlining the event.  Many of you know her from Women of Faith, and if you haven't had a chance to hear her speak you should.  She is called "Mamma T" for a reason.  She has book about depression and if you have been going through a tough, rough, or sick and tired of being sick and tired time then I suggest it to you.

Thelma spoke throughout the conference, but the end was what drew my attention the most.  It was one of those where you know you are being spoken to and I couldn't help but rejoice with relief as I heard her describe me and what has been going on for the past while.

She suggested something that brings both positive thinking and prayer together in a way that is biblical and freeing.  It was exactly what I had been praying about and now God had answered that prayer.

Our mind truly is where the battleground is.  Everything starts with a thought.  Did you know it takes 55 minutes of positive words to override 5 minutes of negative words?  With our minds as the battle ground it is important that we have the tools to fight against that startling reality.

God already gives us the tools,

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV)

Like I've said before though we can certainly be our own worst enemy and all it can take some days is just the wrong word to go in the right ear and suddenly you're spiraling.  So Thelma described some positive thoughts or affirmation that she uses and how we can use them to combat the five minutes of negative (that if we believe we will start acting as if true).

 Bad Thought >> Positive Affirmation

I'm broke. >> I have all the money I need to do everything I want.

I'm fat. >> I am well and healthy.

I'm weak. >>  I know I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. 
 
You can certainly add your own, as you know what negative things you tell yourself, but I encourage you, as Thelma did, to listen to the negative thoughts you say about yourself and come up with a positive thought to counter-act it.

I have found it to be true, and therefore need to put it into practice, that what we think we become. If you are constantly negative and down about everything then life will never be any better because you're continually looking through a negative perspective.

And that is where I finally understand that positive thinking isn't against prayer, but the perspective that you put on your outlook and thoughts to see the truth before you.

And to give you the right send off:


Movin' On Up
by: Third Day
 
Much Love,
Kelli

What to Say

Dear Friends,

How are you doing today?  I hope you are doing well.  As you can see from the last post there has been some excitement going on with me.  I have several devotionals started, but unfortunately I haven't finished them yet, so you're stuck with me and my non-thought-out thoughts.

The first is that my car is back from the shop and doing as well as it can.  The muffler broke right next to the catalytic converter.  I took it to a muffler place and Big Jim welded it back together for me.  Then I took it back to Doc McGee and he got my lights to shine at the same brilliance (not where the driver light is way brighter than the passenger light).  However, my radio has more shorts in it then just the ground wire, so it still comes on randomly.  Praise the Lord my dad had some money to help me out otherwise I don't know what I would have done.

Second I've been in prayer for two people, and although you might not know them if you want to say a prayer for them and their families I know it would be appreciated.  Alan, whom I tutored in Mexico, lost his best friend last night.  He died in a car crash at the age of 21. 

Back when I lived in Mexico as a tutor Alan's aunt and uncle came to live in the house with family until they got to where they would be missionaries.  The aunt, Kelly, who is only a year or so older than I am, is in the hospital with something that even the infectious disease doctor doesn't know what it is.  She just had her baby four weeks ago. 

My heart and prayers go out to the families of both as they struggle through this.

I've been singing this song since about Tuesday, so if you need a pick me up too here it is:



Keep On Tryin'
by Poco

Much Love,
Kelli

Life Application: Forgiving Yourself

To make sure I keep myself humble, and to show you that I always learn more than I can teach I thought I would follow up my devotionals/teaching posts with my life application of them.

Normally I would wait and at least give you more than a day's worth of reflection, but yesterday after I posted Forgiving Yourself I was struck over the head several times on the subject of forgiveness.

The first thing I did was take my own advice and truly contemplate what I thought my worst vice was.  What did I do that constantly made me un-happy with myself and therefore caused me to, at times, hate myself.  As I thought about it I think I came up with it: complacency.

I get into moods where I believe things are "good enough", and I accept that they are and move on.  However, I have found that when I do this that it comes back and bites me in the butt.  Hard.  Suddenly I'm transported back to that great Calvin & Hobbs cartoon where Calvin is trying to sell "Swift Kicks in the Butt for a Dollar!"  And as no one seems to be buying his service he turns to Hobbs and utters, "Why is it that the one thing people need nobody wants?"

I do not want a swift kick in the butt at any price, but time and again I get it.  And I have yet to understand why this happens.  And so it was this thought that reminded me that I, at times, allow complacency to creep in and cause me turmoil.  The thoughts, "If I had only done this..."  "If I had thought about..." So, as I also talked about what is it that I can do to turn this around?

I have to forgive myself or past mistakes will keep coming back and I'll continually beat myself up about it.  Second I have a new question that I ask myself at the end of every task, "Have I done all I can do?"  If the answer is "Yes" then I need to move on. If something happens and I learn there was something else I needed to do then I need to realize that it was an honest mistake, learn from it, and move on.  If the answer is "No" then I need to continue working until I'm satisfied that I've done everything I can do.

For me honest mistakes hurt far less than casual mistakes that could have been prevented if I were on my game.

Second I listened to North Point's 2nd Part of their series Life Applications.  The second part is about the life application of forgiveness.  There are many references in the Bible to forgiveness and we know that to make ourselves whole we need to forgive.  Not because the other person deserves it, but because it frees us from the grudge and residual anger that eats at us.  Even if it is directed at ourselves.  If you get the chance I suggest you listen to it.  Especially the very end when they have an incredible special guest.

I'll come back and visit how I'm doing with this new found thought, but I want you to know that I don't take what I tell you lightly.  If I'm going to teach I have to believe it.  Which is also why they would kick me out of public school as a teacher because I'm not teaching anything as fact when I know it to be false.  That's a discussion for another time though.

I know that forgiving yourself is hard, but I hope that you do.  It will release you from so many beatings that you have given yourself, and suddenly life doesn't seem nearly as harsh as it was before.  Remember nothing is ever destroyed from without unless it was first destroyed from within.

Much Love,
Kelli

Forgiving Yourself

I don't think we ever face any tougher critic than ourselves. In fact for many of us our hatred of ourselves goes beyond what we might heap on our worst enemy. And I think most of it comes from the nasty decision to judge.

We judge everything, and while having good judgment is necessary we seem to lack the necessary wisdom needed when making a judgment. Especially about ourselves. Unlike God we cannot judge the heart of a man. So we do the next best thing and look at the actions and words of others to determine how we should proceed with that individual. We see the circumstances and their actions are perceived by us and most of the time we are lenient if we know they have a good heart. However, that leniency is not given to ourselves and I firmly believe it is because we think we can judge our hearts.

I also firmly believe that we don't judge our hearts correctly. I had a Bible Study Fellowship leader that used to repeat this phrase; "We need a high view of God and an accurate view of ourselves." I find in my circle that most have a very high view of God, but an incredibly inaccurate view of themselves. Me included. Part of the issue is perfectionism. I know I strive for it and fail every time. For reasons I don't yet understand I keep trying to achieve it, but the cost of doing so is killing parts of me that need to be nourished. I know I am not alone in this. Our society today demands more and more from us and I think it is crippling us to the point where we are literally killing ourselves. This needs to stop now.

It is so easy to tear down and so difficult to build up, but I think as women we have an innate ability to build each other up. Now, we all know women and have been victims of those that easily tear us down, but I say today, right now, we take our power back. Let those that tear people down be shown for what they are, and let you, yes you, start to build up another. The first way we can do this is with ourselves.

Take your biggest flaw. I mean a real flaw. One that doesn't paint you in a good light. One you struggle with: critical of others, over-eating, no filter when speaking, hot tempered, financially irresponsible, whatever the case may be, own that flaw. I don't mean accept it as good, I don't mean to continue in it, and I mean own that it is part of you. Now, if you are religious ask God to forgive you of that flaw. If you aren't then we will join you in the second part and I now want you to forgive you. Do it. Now. Once you've accepted and forgiven yourself for the flaw you hate the most about yourself you can now take it and help yourself.

If you are critical of others, take that eye for detail and pick out the good things in someone. Then compliment that person. A great placed compliment can go a very long way. If you over-eat think about who might benefit from the food you’re eating. For everything you eat donate the same amount to your local food bank. If you have no filter when speaking repeat this phrase every time before you open your mouth, "Even a fool is thought wise, if kept silent." (Proverbs 17:28) Then proceed to speak. If you are hot tempered find out what your trigger buttons are and become passionate about a solution to help alleviate the anger trigger. And if you are financially irresponsible find out small things you can do to help you become better at managing your finances. There is a solution out there for you, and your deepest flaw can reveal what can become your biggest treasure.

You are stuck with you until you die, and you are certainly worth the love and care you give to others. Having self-love doesn't have to be selfish. It can fulfill your role in helping others.



Get It Right
by Lea Michele

Much Love,
Kelli

The Defense of Cinderella

When I was in the second grade I remember sitting in a large circle with my classmates as our teacher explained that we would be re-enacting Cinderella.  To keep things fair all the girls would be given a number, and a copy of that number was in our teacher's sack.  Whoever had the matching number would be Cinderella.  My number was 23.

It was as if from a dream because that was the number my teacher pulled.  I, Kelli, was going to be Cinderella.  In my second grader female mind I had just won the lottery. Immediately after I had won, one girl, who was considered the prettiest of the class, asked what I would be wearing.  I answered I was going to wear my favorite dress.  She said she had a better dress and I could borrow it.  I politely declined because I wanted to wear my dress.  After all I was Cinderella and I could wear the dress I wanted.

Then as it came out that I had declined the kind offer the suggestion I let this girl be Cinderella started.  I didn't let any of it get to me though (even at that age) because I knew they were jealous of my win.  On the day we were to dress as our characters I had my favorite dress on (wish I had a picture of it), but when I got to school some of my joy was robbed as I realized how much more appropriate for Cinderella that the pretty girl's dress would have been.  She had a beautiful white gown on and mine, well it wasn't a gown.

Other girls started pointing out how I should have let the pretty girl be Cinderella, and even though no matter what I wouldn't have given that spot away, I'll never forget that moment when I thought, perhaps, I should have.  Even by second grade I had though that my outer beauty was more important than the fact that I was Cinderella.  No matter what I looked like I was still Cinderella.

This memory came to me last night as I was praying for healing of my broken heart ( a process to be sure).  Much of the hurt I have faced was always about my outer beauty.  I am a "big" girl.  I was a beautiful child, I look back at old pictures of me and for the life of  me can't figure out where left that sparkling girl at.  She's still here with me, but I have suppressed her because as I was told in the second grade, and believe now, I'm a false Cinderella.

However, because of this prayer to heal my broken heart, and this memory was one that needed to be healed, I have a new perspective.  One I hope will help you.  I still am Cinderella.  In the Bible many decisions were done by casting lots.  It was seen as asking God to write the story and choose the path.  I won that lot.  And I want you to know that you have too.

Cinderella's prize is not that she got to marry the prince (that was a blessing, but it wasn't the prize).  It is that she gets to become the outer princess that she always was on the inside.  Her means of getting there may have been by a ball and prince, but the reason we long for her to win is that she is not just physically beautiful, but gracious, kind, and beautiful on the inside.  Cinderella becomes what she was always meant to be: a princess.

And if you are daughter of the King then that does make you a princess.  You have an incredible, beautiful heart, and the enemy (much like Cinderella's step-family) will to steal, kill, and destroy that heart.  Jesus is healing that one moment in time and showing me that it didn't matter the dress I felt like a princess and I am, and He wants me to tell you that you are too.

Join my friend and sister and ask for the healing (if you haven't) for that broken place deep in your heart.

Much Love,
Kelli

Girls Night Out

That is what I am having tonight! 

So one of the big new things I'm doing is finding out how to do things I don't know how.  For example I know almost zero about cars.  I know that I need to change the oil and put gas in it to run.  I know how to check to see if I have oil, but to change the oil?  I haven't paid enough attention.

The other thing I'm doing is reading a new book.  I hope to explore this book with you as it is changing my heart and mind in such a glorious way.

So in the coming weeks I hope to bring you what I've learned in a fun and uplifting way.

Until then in response to our morning shower I give you:



It Never Rains in Southern California
by Albert Hammond

Much Love,
Kelli

Friday Funs

Tomorrow I really need to go to work to get some things done that I can't while I'm there during the week.  So, I'm thinking tomorrow I'm going to indulge and get a sausage biscuit with cheese.

I say this to you not to make you jealous because there aren't many who don't have access to a McDonald's I say this because if you are stuck in a rut do something different.

So I've made a list of things that you might not have done in a while to give you something to think about:

Go to a movie on a school night.
Do a sleep over tonight.  Get junk food, pizza, stay up and watch movies, etc.
Make a gourmet meal with your sweetie, and then order pizza if it doesn't come out quite the way you intended.
Sit down at the fast food restaurant instead of getting it to go.
Go to the park and swing or get dizzy on the merry go round.
Go for a drive and look at the beautiful homes out there.
Go to a museum.
Sing Karaoke, even if it is in your own home.
Invite others over to your house and just have a neighborhood fun party, all BYOB.
Make a great collage of all the things that inspire you.

These are just a few, but sometimes the thing that might help to get you out of your funk is to do something unexpected and fun.  It will renew you and remind you that it won't always be the way it is.

Oh, and if you need a good party song, I have a suggestion:



Turn Up the Radio
by Autograph

Much Love,
Kelli

Day 25: Beauty from Pain

Hello Dear Friend,

I once heard that one of the traits of someone who is a natural born teacher is if they want to share what they've learned with others.  If that is the case then I guess you could say I am a teacher.  I want to share with you what I've been learning and I want to know, dear friend, how are you doing, really?  I won't lie to you I've been better, but I've been a whole lot worse than this too. 

I woke up this year, and to be honest I hadn't even realized that I was asleep.  I knew that I was in some sort of depression over what was going on.  I knew that I wasn't ready for God's next step because the last one had been so difficult for me emotionally, but I didn't realize until this week that I had been running away from God.

In everything, I've shown up when I needed to, and I did my job, but I certainly wasn't engaged in what I was doing.  I was simply going through the motions.  As 2011 approached I started to seriously consider what was going on with my life.  My passion for God was almost non-existent, my desire to make a difference wasn't to be found, and I really hadn't enjoyed life as I had before this time. 

This is a big year for me, I turn thirty, and it bothers me only because I'm not where I thought I was going to be at this age.  All of my friends seem to be, but not me. I had often joked that if I was still living with my parents at thirty that for my birthday everyone could just drop off a bottle of alcohol and I would sleep through the day.  As I laughed about it, I often cried because the pain of it was so true.  However, that is not how I want to celebrate.  I want thirty to be good and the only way it was going to be good was if I said it was going to be.  All of my emotions and feelings (which can be big fat liars) were my decision.  And the way I had been is not where I wanted to stay.

I have never once in my life wanted something just normal.  I have always wanted adventure, a life full of love, compassion, joy, peace, travels, adventures, and never once did I just want to exist.  So, why after God has given me such a life, was I complaining because it wasn't normal I still don't understand.  It doesn't matter though, because that is not where I am today.

Today I'm fully engaged again.  I'm excited about the next step that God has for me, and don't think for a moment that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the tender love and patient compassion of my Jesus.  I've been studying Jonah from Priscilla Shrier and it has opened my eyes.  I would love to discuss it with anyone who has gone through it or is going through it.  A marvelous study that has done nothing but keep my head nodding with the truth of life, God, and my own behavior.

If you are hurting I want to pray for you.  Just leave a comment, you don't have to tell me what, just a name and yes, you need prayer.

I might have shown this video before, but it just fits so perfectly into this post that I want to share it with you.



Beauty from Pain
by Superchick

I know you will hope again.

Much Love,
Kelli

Day 19: Getting Healthier

By my photos and posts I think you can tell I am NOT an authority on weight loss or extremely healthy eating.  However, I do care about my health.  I try to keep my portions small and eat what I should with what I will eat.  The part that remains elusive for me, the part I give up the quickest and most willingly is exercise. This is usually do to three factors: time, boredom, and money. 

With time it isn't so much that I don't have 30 minutes here or 15 minutes there.  It is that I have the moments at weird times and not the extra time to go to a gym or to a park to walk.  However, I do have an elliptical so that helps.

However, then we go into the second issue: boredom. I can get bored easily.  I'm okay with anything until I have had too much or I know the routine too well.  Then it becomes boring to me and I have to move on.  So, sometimes the thought of actually doing the elliptical, again, makes me cringe.

Finally, and this is what keeps me from buying a ton of work out videos or equipment: money.  I just don't have any.

So, I need something that will help me with time, boredom, and money.  I happen to be looking more closely these days as I'm trying to get more healthy.  I don't want the health problems that my parents are starting to experience.  What I've found today gives me hope and I hope it will for you.

The first is this article on the Kettlebell.  Odd little device, but it is suppose double the calorie burning you do when you use it with your normal routines. Such as burning 300 calories in 15 minutes.  So that takes care of money and time for me.

Then today they had a video from North Texas about Boot Camps for Beginners.  I know that sometimes going to an actual gym is intimidating if you are really over-weight because you feel like you are being judged.  So, a safe place to do Boot Camp and it is for beginners?  That takes care of boredom. 

I'll tell you in the coming days what I plan to do, and if I get some extra money I'm buying that kettlebell.

Day 15: Careful Consideration

I have a big project that I've been stirring up in my brain and I have been considering what to do with this blog as a result of the other project.  Do I keep it as a personal blog of all the things that I'm going through, or do I leave it?

Well I'm not leaving it.  Restored Sunshine has a purpose.  I'm just not sure what that purpose is quite yet.  I know it will be a safe place for those who are looking for a place that doesn't care what they look like, how much money they make, what abilities they have or don't.  This is a safe place of no judgement.  And think that to have my own corner of it is important.

Having said that it leaves me with the question then of what I should do with it.  How can I make this blog into what I want it to do.  And, more importantly, find the time.  Much like my nail biting habit my other habits are hard to give up.

Having said that though, I am changing.  My desire to not worry, to give it over to God, is sometimes an hourly struggle, but He is winning.  He will win.  And so I'm not really worried about this space, the right thing will come to me and this blog will be what it was always intended to be: a safe place.

With that in mind, my musical heart needs to play this song for you:



Working My Way Back to You
by Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons

Much Love,
Kelli

Day 10: Changes Expected

Hello my loves!  I know I was gone for four days.  I've been doing some real soul searching and doing what I wanted to do with this blog.

So, changes are coming.  Great changes.  I'm trying to start a schedule that will go with my current schedule and what I want to accomplish with this blog.

I'll be explaining more of what I want to do as the days go on, but I think it is going to be fabulous.

In the meantime I'll play for you what I've been singing all day.



Brother Louie
By The Stories

Day 2: Restart

Let's be honest here, in fact I'm going to really confess a few things about myself, so that you, the reader, know who you are dealing with.

For one thing I'm a worrier.  Always have been.  I'm quite good at it.  Another thing is that I don't trust people as a general rule.  I've been very hurt in the past and it makes it hard to open up and be vulnerable.  And finally I don't want to be known as foolish, a fool.  From the very core of my being it bothers me to think I was duped and that if I had just been smarter I could've prevented what happened.

So, when trusting God it requires me to go against all three of those instincts.  I can't be a worrier because I have to trust God.  I have to be vulnerable and open my heart to God and believe that He has my best interest at heart.  Finally, if I believe God will answer something (at a specific time) and doesn't then I look foolish and quite frankly feel foolish for believing that He would, and I can't think that way if I truly trust God. 

However, as I've been stating on here for over a year I not only need to trust God I HAVE to.  I tried it a few weeks ago, but with schedule, sickness, and other issues blogging about it has been tough.  So, I'm going to give it a re-start and do it again for this year.

To truly put myself out there I will tell you what it is I'm praying for, what I'm believing God for this week:

• That my financial situation will be answered this week and taken care.  I don't care how God does it, I want to give Him the glory for it, so I have to trust that He will take care of me and what is going on.
• That this week will be a good week and that the goals we have set forth for the business will be done.

I realize there are only two goals, but the first one is MAJOR.  It is the reason I'm worrying right now and why I have to stop.  Enough of this, it is time for a re-start.  A new year is a great start.  And yes, I will fail on days, perhaps weeks or even a month, but I will come back.  I hope that if you have a goal or resolution for the year that you and I can do this together.  That you will know that you are not alone.  And that you too can re-start.

Much Love,
Kelli

Getting Inspiration

I consider myself to be a pretty creative and hard working person, however there are times when I'm feeling lazy or I need some inspiration to get up, get back to work, and do better than I was doing before.  When those times come I have a few things I fall back on.  So, since this is a new year and I do have a goal in mind with this blog (write nearly every day - allowing for vacation and sick days) I want to share my inspiration to think of those things that might inspire you.

Movies:

Working Girl: I watch this movie for several reasons, but as someone who is in business it reminds me to stay true to myself, take calculated risks, work hard, and don't take the whole thing so seriously.

It is a great story about a woman who is trying to make a difference in her life, has to worry about people who are trying to sabotage her, and the chance for a great romance.  I'm certainly trying to make a difference in my life and I'm looking for success. I don't know of anyone who has ever set out to sabotage me, but I do know people who have been critical of my ideas or dreams simply because it is something they've never done before or didn't come up with the idea themselves.  It's the romance part I'm working on.

If you want a great go-get them movie with a great little side romance I fully suggest this movie.

Secret of My Success:

Now this movie for me is pure business fun.  Michael J. Fox's energy in this movie is something I too want to rival.  Someone who is dedicated to his dream and goals.  It is funny such a great inspiration for me when I need it for my company. 

If you need some inspiration for whatever your big goal is then this is the movie for you.  On a really personal note this reminds me of my daddy.  Like the character he too is from Kansas and the business I work so hard for is his dream.  Another big reason this movie inspires me.



Television:

Veronica Mars - Season 1:

There is no other TV show or character that can make me feel lazy and inspire me to work harder than Veronica Mars.  I watch this show when I need a little extra help feeling ambitious.  The relationship she has with her dad is great and the mystery in this is just perfect. 

If you haven't seen this show find it on hulu or borrow from a friend.  It needs to be watched just because it is fantastic, and the inspiration is just icing on this most fun and delicious TV cake.



Music:

I think by now you know my addiction to music, but when I need inspiration I listen to these songs:



Solsbury Hill
by Peter Gabriel

I don't think I can describe all the reasons I love this song or the feels it invokes, but if I had a city mix this song would be there.  Being different and going after the unusual.  That is what I feel when I hear this song.



Defying Gravity
Lea Michele & Chris Colfer

Although I love Wicked's version (it was the original) when I heard this on Glee... it became an instant favorite and go to for trying new things and going after dreams.



Moving On Up
by Third Day

Talk about relying on the one true source of power.  I use this song when it has been kind of tough and I need a reminder that my life will not stay in this place.



Eye of the Tiger
by Survivor

Classic.  I don't know many people who don't have this one, but it has been go-to for me for nearly all my life.  Seriously greatness.

Fashion & Fun:

Now there are times when I don't want to do my hair, I don't want to dress in anything but sweats, and I really don't care about my appearance, even though I know I should.  I think we all have that celebrity or person in our lives that looks incredible every time we see them. 

For my real-life person I have a friend I'll call Chas (not to be confused with Shas - she's great but I know that girl loves her sweats).  Chas has the cutest outfits and every time I see her I remember how much I like her style.  If I had a picture I could share of her I would.

However, I do have a celebrity that I really like, and that is Bethany Joy Galeotti.  I follow her blog, BJGOfficial.com and twitter.  I also really like her character on One Tree Hill.  So, when I need another dose of Get-Your-Butt-Up-And-Blow-Dry-That-Hair!  I go to One Tree Hill Style.



And now I'm going to brace myself, blow dry my hair, and go to Sam Moon so I can get a new hat for the new year.  On Tuesday I'm getting my hair cut and hopefully a brand new style.

Have a wonderful new year everyone and I hope you guys have a great, successful, inspirational, and blessed new year!

Day Fourteen: Uh oh Two Weeks

Confession: I have not worked out since I was so sick and I have bitten my nails.  I did that last night.  I have found I'm not allowed to be bored with nothing to do with my hands.  It gets me in to trouble.

I'm blushing. 

Thank you for reading this.

This is a fun song:



Grace Kelly
by Mika

Much Love,
Kelli

Day Ten: In Need of Prayers

What is going on with me is not the end of the world.  Not by a long shot.  I have my health (back, praise be to God), my family is all relatively happy and nice, and for that I am grateful.  But, it is a difficult time.  There are times that if I dwelt on it I would have a panic attack.  And the worst of it is the situation isn't new.  It's not the first time I've been through this, and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

However, I am praying.  I know He will bring me through this, and that this is just a season in life.  Not a very fun one, but one that does come with its own blessings.  I am still laughing, enjoying life, and living life as best I can.  I just wish I had a little relief, but then again who doesn't? :D

I just wanted to say I'm still praying, I haven't bitten my nails, and as soon as I'm recovered I will get back to working out.

Much Love,
Kelli

Day Eight & Nine: Eek!

I do have so much to catch up on, but the truth is I've been out sick since Sunday night.  I usually only get sick once a year, if that, but this year I've been out sick three times now.  I hate it.  I just absolutely HATE being sick.  I know no one likes being sick but I resent it.  I know I can't help it, but it doesn't make me accept what is happening any easier.

Great shouts of gratitude to God though and great friends.  I sent out a distress call on Facebook last night asking for prayers that I get better so I could come to work today.  I have a lot going on these next two weeks and since this is partly my company it is a big deal.  And God blessed me with enough health to make it.  Now I'm just nursing a sinus infection, which isn't fun, but at least manageable.

I will have posts coming soon, but not today.  As I said to the office today I may not move fast, but I will move diligently.

PS: I did bite a hangnail off, but other than that I still haven't bitten my nails.  So another yay!

Day Seven: Shopping & Family

I did not technically get on my elliptical and work out, but I walked, a lot, today.  And I carried a baby and let him bounce in my arms.  My chest is going to hurt like a mother bear tomorrow.  That kid was my weight training, but he is so darn cute that its worth it. He has the biggest smile and unless he is hungry or tired he doesn't cry or get too upset.

Meanwhile, my second mom, Shas's mom, bought me the cutest accessory.  I'll have a picture for you later because I'm so wearing it very, very soon.  I'd say tomorrow but I never know what exactly I'll wear until I put it on.  I have this habit of changing my mind, which my dad might tell you about if you ask, or perhaps if you don't.

You need to see this video especially if you're a Big Bang Theory fan like me.  Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win indeed.



Oh No
by Marina and the Diamonds

Well no food for today.  Tomorrow I have to make an appetizer for one Christmas party and find an elephant gift for the second.  Two Christmas parties you may ask?  Yes.  One is for my Sunday school class, the other is for the older group in our church, whom I just adore. They are sweet and have adopted me as an honorary member.  I'm very humbled by it and so blessed.  Great stories and sweet people who know how to have fun.

Also this video is from the season finale of Sons of Anarchy.  It is a different version.



Hey Hey My My
by Battleme