Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Day 25: Beauty from Pain

Hello Dear Friend,

I once heard that one of the traits of someone who is a natural born teacher is if they want to share what they've learned with others.  If that is the case then I guess you could say I am a teacher.  I want to share with you what I've been learning and I want to know, dear friend, how are you doing, really?  I won't lie to you I've been better, but I've been a whole lot worse than this too. 

I woke up this year, and to be honest I hadn't even realized that I was asleep.  I knew that I was in some sort of depression over what was going on.  I knew that I wasn't ready for God's next step because the last one had been so difficult for me emotionally, but I didn't realize until this week that I had been running away from God.

In everything, I've shown up when I needed to, and I did my job, but I certainly wasn't engaged in what I was doing.  I was simply going through the motions.  As 2011 approached I started to seriously consider what was going on with my life.  My passion for God was almost non-existent, my desire to make a difference wasn't to be found, and I really hadn't enjoyed life as I had before this time. 

This is a big year for me, I turn thirty, and it bothers me only because I'm not where I thought I was going to be at this age.  All of my friends seem to be, but not me. I had often joked that if I was still living with my parents at thirty that for my birthday everyone could just drop off a bottle of alcohol and I would sleep through the day.  As I laughed about it, I often cried because the pain of it was so true.  However, that is not how I want to celebrate.  I want thirty to be good and the only way it was going to be good was if I said it was going to be.  All of my emotions and feelings (which can be big fat liars) were my decision.  And the way I had been is not where I wanted to stay.

I have never once in my life wanted something just normal.  I have always wanted adventure, a life full of love, compassion, joy, peace, travels, adventures, and never once did I just want to exist.  So, why after God has given me such a life, was I complaining because it wasn't normal I still don't understand.  It doesn't matter though, because that is not where I am today.

Today I'm fully engaged again.  I'm excited about the next step that God has for me, and don't think for a moment that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the tender love and patient compassion of my Jesus.  I've been studying Jonah from Priscilla Shrier and it has opened my eyes.  I would love to discuss it with anyone who has gone through it or is going through it.  A marvelous study that has done nothing but keep my head nodding with the truth of life, God, and my own behavior.

If you are hurting I want to pray for you.  Just leave a comment, you don't have to tell me what, just a name and yes, you need prayer.

I might have shown this video before, but it just fits so perfectly into this post that I want to share it with you.

Beauty from Pain
by Superchick

I know you will hope again.

Much Love,


Abby said...

Hi Kelli!
Thanks for such an honest post! I love it when we can just be real and not cover up the things we don't like.

Kelli said...

Thank you so much Abby, I really appreciate it.