Relieved!

Yesterday I had been accused of being in a bad mood. I don't know that I was in a bad mood as much as I was in a quiet mood, but I was outnumbered in that assessment. (I really wasn't though!)

As timing would have it as I was driving home last night I heard Creed's "My Own Prison", which is one of the few songs of theirs I truly enjoy and still listen to.  I started singing the song out loud, thankfully alone. I still have some lingering cold and I sound more like a moose looking for a mate than a singer. Poor God. He had to hear that.

The lyrics to "My Own Prison" have always had an effect on me, and last night was no different. I was imagining the scene of someone who knew that their time was up and no amount of regret was going to change the situation. For a split second my heart was in my throat as I felt the fear of that day.

However, I know I will not have to ever bear witness to that scene, my peace came flooding back. Just then though my heart broke as I thought of those who have denied their Creator. I have several loved ones who don't accept Christ as their savior, and to know they face that...

And it isn't so much death either as knowing what they are missing out on now. Constant access to peace, love, strength, joy, compassion, healing, relief, hope, wisdom, and so much more.  While I was in my prayer time last night I had to take a moment and thank God for being God.

Where would I be without Jesus?  When I was in high school would I have taken my life because of the bullying?  Would I have gone into a tail spin when my beloved grandmother died and I was already feeling so lost? My answer would be I hope not, but I can tell you with all certainty that had it not been for Christ and His love for me I would be in a very different place than I am right now.

His overwhelming love for me, and his constant patience with me as a sinner is incomparable and unwavering. I pray for my loved ones to feel this, to know this for themselves. And I pray it for all of you.

The best part? It doesn't matter what religion you are, where you are, what you do, what you've done, or your political beliefs (that's a joke, but seriously...), all you have to do is accept Christ as your personal savior.

How easy is that? It is for everyone in the world, no matter of background. And you don't have to belong to organized religion at all.

Truly, praise Jesus!



My Own Prison
by Creed

*Feel free to discuss any of what I said with me in the comments.

Much Love,
Kelli

Busy Body

As some might have noticed I've been a little MIA lately.  I took an unannounced break from blogging while I focused on different perusals, like Pinterest. Ha! Except I have been on pinterest a little too much for saying I'm a casual visitor.

Blessings have been abounding in my life. I read posts from myself this time last year and to say that God has more than abundantly blessed me would be an understatement.  Just keep leaning on him if your season right now isn't exactly what you had hoped for.

To make this easy I've compiled a list of things that have changed:

1. I got a new car:
   

It was exactly what I wanted.

They even ended up having to give me a great amount on the trade-in of my much beloved yellow mustang.  The best part was I did it all by myself. No parents.

I really am starting my thirties out much more differently than I did my twenties, which I am more than grateful for. I know this is going to be a great decade for me. I can't wait to see what else happens.

As for other things... no... that might be about it actually... not to worry though I have lots of stuff coming up.  I've been baking up a storm, and on Friday I'm chopping off all my hair and donating it to Locks of Love.



In the meantime I have this gem:

Love & Memories
by: OAR

Much Love,
Kelli

To Keep Moving

I did something today that hurt. It still hurts.  I had to tell my co-pastor that I had to step down as a Sunday school teacher.  The look on his face made it nearly impossible to keep the tears at bay because this isn't something I want to do, but it is something I need to do.  I love my church family. I'm not leaving, leaving, but I will no longer be there on Sunday mornings.

My church doesn't have a big singles group, in fact I am the only single girl there (at my age).  And even in my own social circle I am the only single girl.  I need people in my life who are where I am, and I can't find that in my current circumstances.  I would like to meet someone special, but if I don't that's okay too. I do, however, want to meet other singles who are my age.  More importantly other Christian singles.

My church family is like my real family. I love them dearly.  I will still be there for Wednesday night Bible Study, and our Ninevite Outreach Program, but the time has come to go on. It isn't an easy decision, and not one I would make on my own.  However, I had three separate sources who said the exact same thing to me, and not one of them speaks to the other.

I guess I'm posting this to not only help with the pain of it, but to also encourage you. If there is a comfort zone you are being asked to move away from I'm there with you.  You can do it, and you should.  I'm here for you and you can take comfort in the fact someone else understands.

Believe it or not I take great comfort in a song by REO Speedwagon, which to me just sounds like God speaking to me:

"As soon as you are able
Woman, I am willing
To make a break
that we are on the brink of

My cup is on the table
My love is spilling
Waiting for you to take
and drink of

So if you're tired of
the same old story
Turn some pages
I'll be here when you are ready
to roll with the changes"

And I feel like the second set of verses are my response to Him.  A little weird perhaps, but that's how God works with me.



Roll with the Changes
by REO Speedwagon

Much Love,
Kelli

Thursday Morning Reflection

Don't you wish sometimes you could just stop sinning?  Especially the sins you struggle with the most. I feel awful after I've done it, and sometimes I feel worse doing it, but yet I still do it....

When I reflect on what it is I've done, and how much it must hurt God, it breaks my heart. And I know there is no other way to stop except to pray. Praise be to God that not only are we forgiven, but that this sin is taken away. Peace is restored because I know I bare it no more.

Thank you Jesus.

(as you can tell two posts down I do have a problem with language, but that is only one of the many sins I do... unfortunately.)



Roll Away Your Stone
by Mumford & Sons

Much Love,
Kelli

Inspiration Board

I don't know about you, but I've been inspired lately.  I've been working on stories and after viewing some of Bethany Joy Galeotti's blog I felt I needed to make my own inspiration board.  I encourage you to make one as well.  Mine has some short term and long term desires in it.  You can view it here:

And so to keep in theme with this blog I felt the need to play this song as it always inspires me. 



Go the Distance
by Michael Bolton

Laugh if you will, but to me it is awesome!

Oh, I'm 30?

My beloved computer, Fred, hasn't been available to me for a couple of days.  He has been having FrontPage loaded on to him for my benefit.  I cut my web design teeth on FrontPage, so I like to have it for basic needs.  I also got to see Pirates 4 on Tuesday night with the family.  A great week, but it doesn't allow for much posting.  Oh well.  Onward and upward I say.

My birthday was Sunday, June 12th. (Go Mavs!)  I don't know that I'm prepared for thirty, but as I'm told (and certainly believe) it is better than the alternative.  Having said that though I thought I would share with you what I've learned in these thirty years.  Feel free to leave a comment on what you have learned.

What I know:

1. Honor your father and mother. To me, there is nothing worse than when you realize you've disrespected one of them.

2. ALWAYS put moisturizer on after you wash your face.

3. When you play Tetris (no matter how short the time) you will start dreaming about it.

4. Going to a late movie in the middle of the week is cathartic and good for the soul! -- See above Pirates comment!

5. There is a profound difference between the north and south and men and women.

6. If you put foundation on your eyelids and do your eyes first it makes for better make up application.

7. Spend time with your family and friends whenever you get the chance.  I like to have time to myself, but you can't replace people, and a great memory is always to be found!

8. A good dessert is always worth it.

9. There is nothing like the love of a dog.  Even when they're old, cranky, and think they own 3/4 of the bed.

10. The most important relationship you will ever have is with Christ Jesus.

We'll see what I learn in the next thirty.

And I refuse to play that Tim McGraw song.  REFUSE!
So I thought I would play the song that I remember as my first favorite song.  I was three years old, but I so did love this song:





Jump
by Van Halen


Much Love,
Kelli

A Pretty Giveaway

I always want to feel pretty. Without question. You can use the adjectives here: beautiful, gorgeous, out of this world, whatever word that you ascribe to being pretty is the word I want to be. Daily. The problem comes because all too often I don't feel that way. Far from it. Yet, an involuntary impulse within me makes me want to be pretty every day, and therefore makes it impossible to leave the emotion behind.

So when I gave the challenge on Tuesday to tell yourself every day that you are pretty, I had already been doing so for over two weeks. And this firsthand account is what I have found:

To be honest I would forget to tell myself I was beautiful in the mornings. I was rushing to get ready, but when I was at work or I had a moment to actually look at my reflection, whether I felt it or not, I would tell myself out loud (not too loud for others to hear - I said pretty, not creepy) I was beautiful. I didn't always believe in that moment, but later on I would catch a glimpse of myself and I couldn't help but see something good reflecting back.

The more I told myself this one thing the more effort I put into my hair, make up, and clothes, and I already put quite the effort. However, there was an element to it that hadn't been there in a while: fun. I had fun picking out my outfits, decided what color to put on my eyelids, and how I should wear my hair.

It has put such a wonderful spin on my thoughts toward myself in the past few weeks that I believe I will keep going. I recommend it to everyone, especially you, the one who thinks that by doing so you will gain nothing. Why not try it? Why not, for a few days, or weeks try doing something that requires nothing more than telling yourself, what others already see. And yes, they do see your beauty, far more than you do.

And now for the giveaway. The subject of beauty is so deep for women that there is a multi-billion dollar industry that caters to the subject. However, I think the attack on women, and the subject of beauty goes far deeper than simple appearance. One of the best books I've ever read on the subject and one that touched me so deeply on it was the book, Captivating, by Stasi and John Eldredge. So profound on the subject that if you have not read it I want to give you the opportunity to read it now.

I'm giving away one copy of this book to my readers, you may give it away to any female you know who needs to read a book that was written specifically for them in mind. I'll keep it open until next Thursday, June 9th. To enter just comment on what makes you feel beautiful.*

* No out of US entries (Sorry!) and this contest is entirely supported by me, and in no way related to anyone else.



Stay Beautiful
by Taylor Swift

Much Love,
Kelli

Irony & the Rolling Stones

Ironically I just told this story to one of my new co-workers, so I will try to tell you just as effectively and quickly for this Thursday Life Application. You might not know, so I'm going to tell you that I do not have a favorite band, I do however, have a Permanent Top 3. These do not change and effectively are in the slot for #1 at any given moment. Those bands are: The Rolling Stones, The Who, and the Foo Fighters. I tell you this because one of those band's infamous song is the reason for this post. And why I think irony likes me:

A few years ago life was not as idyllic as I might have liked. I was splitting from my best friend at the time, and I was unsure as to why. (I would later find out, but that is neither here nor there.) So, in misery because I was losing a friend, and unsure of anything I poured my heart out to God, in the bathroom, listing out what exactly I wanted. As soon as I was done I turned the radio on and through the speakers came the old familiar tune, "You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find, you get what you need."

I was not amused.

In fact I felt slightly insulted by the song, and did not think it was funny at all. Fast forward a few days later and my mom and I were in the car. I was once again lamenting to her about the best friend drama and told her of my story. Right after I finished telling her again that tune came on. "You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find, you get what you need."

My mother laughed.

I did not.

However, as time has gone on from this moment I can tell you the words sung by the ever cool Mick Jagger, are true. You can't always get what you want, but God will always make sure that you get what you need. Now sometimes it may seem that He is being slow on it, but He will come through his time.

And as someone who has just come through a storm, I can tell you that sometimes, God will give you what you want. (If it is within his will and pleasure to do so.)



You Can't Always Get What You Want
by the Rolling Stones

Much Love,
Kelli

Life Application: Confessing

Want to know something?  This is a lesson God has personally given me.  I first heard it weeks ago in an Andy Stanley message, and the minute I heard it... conviction.

(Side Note: Before I go further this is lesson I learned is not for everyone.  I can tell you that when you grow in Christ every time you've completed a lesson, so to speak, a new one will come along.  After all we are never going to be perfect this side of heaven, so know you'll always be learning.  However, each of us have different lessons and different combinations, so this might not come to you, but it certainly came to me.)

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:15 (NIV)

I'll admit to you now I have one area in my life where I really struggle. The basics of what God is teaching me is that the sin strong hold I am under needs to be treated like an addiction, because in a way it is.

The first step for me was confessing I had a sin strong hold.  (It isn't something that hurts anyone else, and physically it doesn't hurt me, but it does hurt me spiritually.)  And then prayer.  I've prayed about it often, and although it is better it is not gone.

Hence we have the second step: Confession.  My first confession is it is a secret sin.  One I've never told anyone.  All because I am embarrassed to do so.  However, because I've heard this lesson over three times now, I know I need to do so.  I'm in prayer as to who to tell. My mother is probably my best choice, but... well you see my dilemma.

So I'm not sure how much of a life application this is since I haven't done it yet, but I want you know to know that if you are struggling with something God has asked you to do, you are not alone.



Secrets
by One Republic

(PS: Today was SO MUCH BETTER than yesterday!  I had a wonderful day!!)

Much Love,
Kelli

What Did Joseph Think?

Author's Note: This has been written over a two week period.

Quick Point: If you haven't had any struggles in your life, or things have pretty much always gone your way what I'm about to say is not for you.  However, if you've done everything you know to do and you're worse off than you've been this is for you.

I have had to pray for encouragement for the past few months and much more intensely for the past few weeks.  Financially, personally, spiritually, politically, drivingly (I know not a word, but I was on a role)...  Lets just there isn't a realm that hasn't been affected (or is it effected?  I get this wrong nearly every time, I'm sorry!! - I don't like be grammatically incorrect, but I'm really bad at it.).

The worst has been my finances.  I do everything I know to do: I tithe, I pray, I study the Word, and still it is in such a dire state that the actual thought of it could bring me to tears... so I gloss over it.  A week or so I was to the point of no longer being sad or upset, but downright furious.  Everything irritated me.  In fact one night I went to Keni's house and told her that I was at the end of my rope, and all I wanted to do was swear.  I wanted to use the f-word like no one's business because it represented my frustration and anger over a situation I can't seem to have any control over.

I refrained for her.  I did not refrain for my mother when she asked what was wrong.  After my spilling of all that was going on, of all the failures (and my seeming anti-Midas touch where everything I touch seems to go to crap), I said I was mad at the world.  Then she asked me if I was mad at the world or at God?

The truth is I was mad at God.  I didn't want to be. I don't want to be a petulant child unable to have the "faith" to go through this without complaint.  However, I couldn't lie to myself or to God and I was angry.  Deeply angry.  It isn't like this problem just suddenly manifested itself and has only been going on a few weeks, months, or days.  No, it has been going on for YEARS.  And it seems no matter what I do it doesn't get better.  I have faith God can do anything, but it has seemed, especially the last two years, that He has some how forgotten me.

I know that's not true, but in the hardest moments, especially the last few weeks when it all was so unrelenting that is how it felt.  Last week I started making it a daily prayer.  And I want to tell you God has delivered.  My circumstances are just as depressing as they ever were, but He has given me the peace and encouragement I needed.

Last week I found out I didn't get a job I had interviewed for.  While slightly upsetting I mourned the money more than the job itself.  However, it didn't upset me nearly as much as it could.  At the exact moment I got the call I was reading the wonderful news that Shas was having a boy!  Plus with all the people praying for me if I didn't get the job it was because God didn't want me to have it.

At the same time I was able to put a two month deferment on my student loans, which although I know all about the problems with that, it is a blessing for me.  So, even though I only made $3 (all gifts) it was okay.  It was really okay.  Then I made a radical change, one that I've been trying to implement for some time.  As the saying goes, "Money makes a wonderful servant, but a bad master."

I no longer wanted my money to be my master.  It certainly is necessary to every day living, but at the same time the way it can cause such stress is, for lack of a better word, stressful.  After this epiphany I tithed one of my dollars.  There.  To be honest it was hard (I now only had $2), but the longer I thought about it the better I felt.

On Monday it was pouring. It was blissfully cool (54 degrees), and rainy.  My radio doesn't work most of the time, so I was listening to my MP3 when I started to skip past "King of Glory" by Third Day.  Then I thought, no, I'm going to praise God.  No matter what, He will see me through this.

Before the chorus began my phone rang.  It was the guy I had interviewed with asking me if I was still interested in the job.  I most certainly was....

A few days later I want you to know I start on Monday.

I want you to know, if you are in that spot now, if it is hard and you're thinking, that's great for her, but what about me?  I do know how you feel, and I do want you to be encouraged that it will get better if you know Jesus.

Thank you for those of you who have been praying for me.  They have blessed me and I'm truly grateful.



King of Glory
by Third Day

Much Love,
Kelli

Life Application: Getting Points While Driving

Since taking my own challenge I have come up with a series of arbitrary points that I use to keep myself motivated to not tell myself to shove the challenge and pull that jerk out of his car and beat him until some sense has been restored.

Not only am I now paying attention to how drivers treat me (not that it was an issue before), but now I'm paying attention to my own actions.

Thus the creation of the point system:
* There are three things to remember: 1. the point amount can vary based on the situation.  If the person is an incredible jerk not retaliating then can be assigned more points.  2. You know your triggers, feel free to make up your own "good for me" points. 3.Take a breather and focus on personal point goals.  Even if the jerk cut you off.

Here is how I did last night going to get a pedicure, driving to World Market and Target to get Lora ginger snaps and ginger ale, and coming home.

1. I got a point for not slowing down to a slow crawl for the white mini van that rode my butt.

2. I got a point for only throwing my hands up in the air and not a finger gesture AND

3. I got two points for not honking at the same woman who after several minutes decided to do a u-turn back into the parking lot instead of going right or left.

4. I got three points for again not slowing down to a ridiculously slow crawl to the woman in the SUV who thought that by driving faster and getting on my butt was the way to get me to move faster.

* In residential areas I do not speed. Period. Even well traveled residential areas.  More people are walking these days and I'm not about to hit them so you can forget it! Rant: Over

5. I got a point taken away for speeding up to beat another car at a four way stop so the woman behind me had to wait on two cars before going. ** Well worth the point reduction (see: number 4)!

Total points scored: 6 points out of a possible 7 for the evening.  I don't know if that is good or not, but for me I thought I did relatively well.

So my question is how are you doing?

Need more zen music?  I know I used mine.  Here's another great song:



Holiday Review
by Magnolia Sons

It just sounds like a perfect summer day to me.

Much  Love,
Kelli

Greetings From a Mustang

Greetings.  I've taken over my owner's (Kelli) blog since I have caused her to not be able to post here.  I had been telling her for a while something was wrong, but we have a language problem and she had no idea that the noise she was hearing was actually me trying to warn her.

Well, while we were sitting at McDonald's it happened.  I broke. She cried.  I would try to tell her in English what has happened, but lets face it, she wouldn't really understand that either.  I love her, but she isn't what I would call mechanic-smart.  Look, we all have our gifts, but her knowledge of cars ain't one.

Yes I did say "ain't"  I'm a Texas Mustang.  It comes naturally to me... Meanwhile we are going to see Doc McGee, as he seems to know me and Kelli rather well.  She just has to say her name and he knows.  I'll have you know that the last two times I went for a visit there it turns out it wasn't me at all. 

So forgive her while she deals with me, but to be fair I did try to warn her...

Bring Me Sunshine

Sometimes, even as a Christian, you have days that just bring you down.  They are rough, hard to take, and all of your emotional issues seem to come to the forefront.  Yes you have abundant life and a joy you can't explain, but there are times when you just don't feel that and with good reason.  Sometimes life just flat out sucks.

I've been going through a time period where all of my work, all of my effort, and all of my mental and emotional excursions seem to be for naught.  I've talked about an anti-Midas touch, and I have certainly felt that for a couple of weeks now.  I've cried out to the Lord in prayer and I have received four friends, two words, one song, and a walk.

The four friends were actually a different times, but each one has been such a wonderful relief to me and a blessing of uplifting love.  I really needed their encouragement, and I'm blessed to have them in my life.

The first word I received was from the book of Luke 1:45 (NIV):

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.

Then I heard this from Pastor Paul's podcast (Lessons Every Dreamer Must Learn Part 2 Continued) today:

When God is grooming us for greatness He brings us up slowly.

Then of course was this song: I don't think a better video ever came to my attention right when I needed it like this video. It is "Bring Me Sunshine" by the Jive Aces. I'm a sucker for fun time-pieces.



Bring Me Sunshine
by the Jive Aces

I know I sometimes vacillate between the two thoughts "I'm the only one going through this!" and "My problems are so small compared to others why am I complaining?"  The truth is neither of these things.  I went on a prayer walk with my church last night.  We went through the neighborhood walking and praying for each house as we did.  We didn't stop in front of each house, but just walked and prayed.  I never prayed for myself once during that walk and it was so wonderful to get my mind off my own problems.  I encourage you to do it as well.

I wanted to write to you and tell you that even in the midst of a rough time that there are blessings, that there are rewards, and that you will get through this.  You aren't alone and no matter what the issue is, if it is truly bothering you then don't worry about how big or small it may be to someone else's problem.  Ask the Lord to guide you through the time and keep on praying for others.

Much Love,
Kelli

Life Application: Forgiving Yourself

To make sure I keep myself humble, and to show you that I always learn more than I can teach I thought I would follow up my devotionals/teaching posts with my life application of them.

Normally I would wait and at least give you more than a day's worth of reflection, but yesterday after I posted Forgiving Yourself I was struck over the head several times on the subject of forgiveness.

The first thing I did was take my own advice and truly contemplate what I thought my worst vice was.  What did I do that constantly made me un-happy with myself and therefore caused me to, at times, hate myself.  As I thought about it I think I came up with it: complacency.

I get into moods where I believe things are "good enough", and I accept that they are and move on.  However, I have found that when I do this that it comes back and bites me in the butt.  Hard.  Suddenly I'm transported back to that great Calvin & Hobbs cartoon where Calvin is trying to sell "Swift Kicks in the Butt for a Dollar!"  And as no one seems to be buying his service he turns to Hobbs and utters, "Why is it that the one thing people need nobody wants?"

I do not want a swift kick in the butt at any price, but time and again I get it.  And I have yet to understand why this happens.  And so it was this thought that reminded me that I, at times, allow complacency to creep in and cause me turmoil.  The thoughts, "If I had only done this..."  "If I had thought about..." So, as I also talked about what is it that I can do to turn this around?

I have to forgive myself or past mistakes will keep coming back and I'll continually beat myself up about it.  Second I have a new question that I ask myself at the end of every task, "Have I done all I can do?"  If the answer is "Yes" then I need to move on. If something happens and I learn there was something else I needed to do then I need to realize that it was an honest mistake, learn from it, and move on.  If the answer is "No" then I need to continue working until I'm satisfied that I've done everything I can do.

For me honest mistakes hurt far less than casual mistakes that could have been prevented if I were on my game.

Second I listened to North Point's 2nd Part of their series Life Applications.  The second part is about the life application of forgiveness.  There are many references in the Bible to forgiveness and we know that to make ourselves whole we need to forgive.  Not because the other person deserves it, but because it frees us from the grudge and residual anger that eats at us.  Even if it is directed at ourselves.  If you get the chance I suggest you listen to it.  Especially the very end when they have an incredible special guest.

I'll come back and visit how I'm doing with this new found thought, but I want you to know that I don't take what I tell you lightly.  If I'm going to teach I have to believe it.  Which is also why they would kick me out of public school as a teacher because I'm not teaching anything as fact when I know it to be false.  That's a discussion for another time though.

I know that forgiving yourself is hard, but I hope that you do.  It will release you from so many beatings that you have given yourself, and suddenly life doesn't seem nearly as harsh as it was before.  Remember nothing is ever destroyed from without unless it was first destroyed from within.

Much Love,
Kelli