Show Me

One of my favorite songs of all time is "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2.  The last of the lyrics sum it up best for me:

I believe in the kingdom come
When all the colors bleed into one
Bleed into One,
Well Yes I'm still running
But I still Haven't Found
What I'm Looking For

You broke the bonds
and you loosened the chains
carried the cross of my shame
of my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for



I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
by U2

Do you ever feel that way?  Like you still haven't found what you are looking for?  This has been quite a year for me. I went from me being flat broke to having a job and being able to save for a new car. I don't make enough yet to move out, but I'm on my way.  At the same time this wasn't the job I saw myself doing. I still have aspirations of having my own business because being under the authority and structure I'm currently under is very chaffing.

However, I am content at the moment. Ever ambitious to do more and see more because that is who I am, but content in the path and the knowledge I'll get there. Still, I can't help but feel there is something else out there. And my big fear is that I will fill it with the wrong thing.  And so I pray.

I have loved "Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar for a long time.  And I never really paid attention to the lyrics before (which is odd for me), but I finally did and realized it was the answer to U2's song I had sung for so long.  I don't really have an answer for the question what I'm looking for, but I do have to say I believe I am on my way.



Show Me What I'm Looking For
by Carolina Liar

Much Love,
Kelli

Being Pretty

Before bathing suit season fully commences, and women's self esteem plummets because of the dread swimming attire I thought I would address the being pretty attitude.

If you feel ugly or fat there is nothing I can type here that will change your opinion. However, there is One who can: Jesus. I want you to understand that God will always require our cooperation when He is doing something in our lives. So, please, never think that if you pray for Jesus to make you thin you are suddenly going to be thin.

Quick Tangent: Being thin does not automatically make you beautiful.

Did you know God created you? When you hate the way you look or hate on yourself you are hating on a creation God made. Now this is nothing against plastic surgery, at all, but I find it sad when a seven year old girl needs surgery on her ears because the bullying is out of hand. I get how important looks are in this world, but if you are doing surgery to change your life, then I think you need to re-look at why you are doing it.

No matter what state your body is in I fully believe (and see) where telling it that it is beautiful is beneficial. You may feel like the fattest blob this side of the century, but if you wake up every day, and tell yourself you're beautiful, you will start to believe it. What's even better you will start to act it. What you believe about yourself is what determines your choice. Remember you are the daughter of the King! He created you and He thinks you're beautiful! SO BELIEVE IT!



You Are So Beautiful
by Joe Cocker


Much Love,
Kelli

Going Through Hell

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

"If you're going through hell, keep on going." - Winston Churchill

This can at many times, be the hardest thing. Especially when the tough time has been going on for a long time.

And when you are in the middle of it your thoughts usually go to: I WANT TO QUIT THIS! You are not alone in this thought process. However, please don't quit.

I know you've been praying and it seems God doesn't hear you, but He does! He really does. When you're at your wits end, and you don't know what to do - Go to bed. Or watch a movie, read a book, read your Bible, go for a walk, whatever it is, but some activity to get your mind off your current situation. God gives you all the grace you need, and as Pastor Paul says, if you don't think you can go on, go to bed, you'll get new grace tomorrow.

Often the hardest thing to hear from God is nothing. But please don't take that to mean God is nothing. But please don't take that to mean God is not moving or working on your behalf. Always pray before you make a move, because you do not want to do anything unless God is prompting you. I'll do a whole devotional on how to know when God is moving in your life, but for the time have others pray with you.

I know this can be difficult, I've been there many times myself, but it will pass. Until then I'll give you my secret weapon: Motown



Higher & Higher
by Jackie Wilson

Much Love,
Kelli

Devotional: Humor

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. Job 8:21 (NIV)

Is there anything better than a good laugh?  One that makes your sides hurt and tears run down your eyes?  For whatever reason, I've noticed, many of us forget to laugh with God.  As my pastor once said (most conveniently after I had prayed and asked God if He had a sense of humor - I was in the 8th grade) "If you don't think God has a sense of humor, look in the mirror."

Jesus came to give us an abundant life and humor is very much a part of that.  I know that with financial difficulties, bad health, bad drivers - especially, it can be hard to remember the humor of things.  But I want to encourage you to laugh.  For today's devotional, while unconventional (hey that's me!) I have listed some of the funniest movies I can think of.

1. Young Frankenstein - not suitable for young kids, but mostly innuendo that goes over their heads.
2. Princess Bride - inconceivable, I know!
3. Move Over, Darling - "What idiot would do that?"  "You did sir."  "Oh, strike that last statement from the record."
4. Tangled or Cars - either is hilarious and perfect for any age
5. The Money Pitt - Cause you can easily see how you could be there

Cupcakes & Ponies
Steve Byrne

* one small word problem, still funny.

Much Love,
Kelli

Devotional: Dealing with Fear

"I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4 NIV)

I don't think there is any other emotion that we have that can strike us to move faster or stand completely still.  The above verse is my favorite, because when fear strikes, and it strikes more often for me than I care to admit, I say this verse.  I have also, received more peace, and I'll gladly admit that, when I say this verse.

Today I started my new job.  My trainer left for the afternoon and I had only been with her for less than two hours!  So, that left me answer the phones... massive, and well deserved panic.

Then I did what I always do when I'm in an unfamiliar place tasked with unfamiliar functions... I ran to the bathroom... okay maybe not (but I never underestimate the power of a well placed bathroom break) I prayed the above.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

With Jesus we are not fear or be anxious about anything, and as someone who gets anxious about most things I fully understand how hard this command can be.  So for you, who like me, suffer from this ailment, and would like to stop I suggest the following:

1. PRAY - do this first.
   (Remember to breathe while you are doing so.)
2. PRAY - do this second.
   (Remember: Greater is He who is in ME than he who is in the world.)
3. PRAY - do this third.
   (Remember: God did not give us a spirit of fear.)

So, how did it go for me.  One of the worst days.  It was so surreal and I have a ridiculous headache, but I'm okay.  I will figure this out and for only having less than two hours of training and having absolutely no clue about any of it, I think I did well. 



Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns

(Because it bares repeating.)

Much Love,
Kelli

Devotional: Encouragement

I apologize for not getting yesterday's post out.  Exciting day, but it didn't give me much of a chance to be here.  Today's devotional isn't really any new in insight, but I think it is something that we don't give or get as much as we should.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I want you to know that if you are going through a rough time that it will get better.  I know it might not seem like it, I truly do, but it will get better.

I want you to know that if you are not feeling like you are looking your best that you are beautiful.  I realize that you might not look like a supermodel, in fact you are what some would call the dreaded "fat" word, but you are beautiful.  Absolutely beautiful.

I want you to know that if you are struggling to be a better person, or turn your life around you will.  The very fact you care to do so and are taking the time to do it means the most.  Keep it up and one day you will be that person that you want to be and Jesus wants you to be.

I love you all!



Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns

Much Love,
Kelli

Driving Force

The more I see

The less I know
The more I like to let it go

Red Hot Chili Peppers "Snow (Hey Oh)"

This came to me on Friday, and suddenly I had to write about it and get it off my chest.  It is something that gets to me every time I see it, feel it, hear about it, or read about it.  That is Road Rage.  This past week a little boy, age four, was shot in the back.  It should sicken your stomach when you read such stories. People being killed, wounded, and their families forever altered because of road rage.  And yet we still refuse to address the issue at hand.  The reason for such acts.  Us.

Every single one of us that drives is responsible for our actions, and never has our selfishness escalated in such a way as it does on the road.  How many times have you sat in a line of cars to see some jerk travel down the blocked road to get in closer to the front instead of of waiting in line the way everyone else does?  It is selfish and terrible.  How many of you have done that yourself?

There is a universal principle that we all operate under and that is that each of us is a great driver.  The truth is that at any given time we can make a split decision that will effect someone else on the road.  I could describe in the last week the things that were done to me that upset me.  You have a list too.  The only way any of this is going to change is if you and I decide that no matter what we are going to drive the way God wants us to.

So I'm issuing a challenge to you and me.  If we want the way people drive to change we have to change.  There is no other way around it.  You can't ask someone to do something you are not willing to do.  I know it may not seem like it will make much of a difference, but that is a lie that laziness and fear love to spew.

Here are things I want to see incorporated, and you can certainly add to the list.

• When someone lets you in, wave!
• If you see someone trying to get into a lane, let them in.
  (If they are trying to get in after going down the lane knowing it is ending I'll let you use your best judgement.)
• Don't cut someone off, there are few rare cases when you don't know you've done it. Don't act like you haven't known exactly what you were doing. Slow up or speed down, but don't cut off!
• When a driver is obnoxious don't retaliate. To help you achieve that have something that will calm you. Anything short of alcohol or drugs that will make you zen is recommended.
• If someone is not going the speed limit, do not ride their butt.  Go around them if you can (without waving your thoughts at them), or once again find your zen.
• Use your blinker appropriately.
• Do not honk at the person who stopped at the light like they are suppose to.
• NEVER, EVER stop on railroad tracks. EVER. EVER.

I live and work just a couple of miles from the #15 Worst Traffic Spot in the Nation! I'm not advocating you be stupid or not drive like you know people are stupid, but there are some common courtesies that would help ease the driving experience.

I will give you an honest account for the next week about my progress as I've been guilty of every one of these except the last one.  My dad taught me to have a healthy respect for trains.

Unfortunately "love your neighbor as yourself" applies to driving too.  So, come take the challenge with me and see what changes for you.  Let me know as good or bad I would love to hear the stories.  Even if it is to agree with you that the jerk deserved it and you deserve sainthood for dealing with it.

Here is my zen music and inspiration:



Snow (Hey Oh)
by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Much Love,
Kelli

Thinking vs. Prayer

For quite a while I had a hard time with the concept of  "positive thinking" versus prayer.  The way it was presented to me it was one or the other, and while I understood the concept of positive thinking I know the power of prayer.

However, I have come to find that there really isn't a fight between the two because each of them is different. How to use "positive thinking" with prayer has slowly been solidifying in my mind for months now, but this weekend it was cemented.

On Saturday I attended a women's conference at a local church and the great Thelma Wells was headlining the event.  Many of you know her from Women of Faith, and if you haven't had a chance to hear her speak you should.  She is called "Mamma T" for a reason.  She has book about depression and if you have been going through a tough, rough, or sick and tired of being sick and tired time then I suggest it to you.

Thelma spoke throughout the conference, but the end was what drew my attention the most.  It was one of those where you know you are being spoken to and I couldn't help but rejoice with relief as I heard her describe me and what has been going on for the past while.

She suggested something that brings both positive thinking and prayer together in a way that is biblical and freeing.  It was exactly what I had been praying about and now God had answered that prayer.

Our mind truly is where the battleground is.  Everything starts with a thought.  Did you know it takes 55 minutes of positive words to override 5 minutes of negative words?  With our minds as the battle ground it is important that we have the tools to fight against that startling reality.

God already gives us the tools,

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV)

Like I've said before though we can certainly be our own worst enemy and all it can take some days is just the wrong word to go in the right ear and suddenly you're spiraling.  So Thelma described some positive thoughts or affirmation that she uses and how we can use them to combat the five minutes of negative (that if we believe we will start acting as if true).

 Bad Thought >> Positive Affirmation

I'm broke. >> I have all the money I need to do everything I want.

I'm fat. >> I am well and healthy.

I'm weak. >>  I know I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. 
 
You can certainly add your own, as you know what negative things you tell yourself, but I encourage you, as Thelma did, to listen to the negative thoughts you say about yourself and come up with a positive thought to counter-act it.

I have found it to be true, and therefore need to put it into practice, that what we think we become. If you are constantly negative and down about everything then life will never be any better because you're continually looking through a negative perspective.

And that is where I finally understand that positive thinking isn't against prayer, but the perspective that you put on your outlook and thoughts to see the truth before you.

And to give you the right send off:


Movin' On Up
by: Third Day
 
Much Love,
Kelli

Bring Me Sunshine

Sometimes, even as a Christian, you have days that just bring you down.  They are rough, hard to take, and all of your emotional issues seem to come to the forefront.  Yes you have abundant life and a joy you can't explain, but there are times when you just don't feel that and with good reason.  Sometimes life just flat out sucks.

I've been going through a time period where all of my work, all of my effort, and all of my mental and emotional excursions seem to be for naught.  I've talked about an anti-Midas touch, and I have certainly felt that for a couple of weeks now.  I've cried out to the Lord in prayer and I have received four friends, two words, one song, and a walk.

The four friends were actually a different times, but each one has been such a wonderful relief to me and a blessing of uplifting love.  I really needed their encouragement, and I'm blessed to have them in my life.

The first word I received was from the book of Luke 1:45 (NIV):

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.

Then I heard this from Pastor Paul's podcast (Lessons Every Dreamer Must Learn Part 2 Continued) today:

When God is grooming us for greatness He brings us up slowly.

Then of course was this song: I don't think a better video ever came to my attention right when I needed it like this video. It is "Bring Me Sunshine" by the Jive Aces. I'm a sucker for fun time-pieces.



Bring Me Sunshine
by the Jive Aces

I know I sometimes vacillate between the two thoughts "I'm the only one going through this!" and "My problems are so small compared to others why am I complaining?"  The truth is neither of these things.  I went on a prayer walk with my church last night.  We went through the neighborhood walking and praying for each house as we did.  We didn't stop in front of each house, but just walked and prayed.  I never prayed for myself once during that walk and it was so wonderful to get my mind off my own problems.  I encourage you to do it as well.

I wanted to write to you and tell you that even in the midst of a rough time that there are blessings, that there are rewards, and that you will get through this.  You aren't alone and no matter what the issue is, if it is truly bothering you then don't worry about how big or small it may be to someone else's problem.  Ask the Lord to guide you through the time and keep on praying for others.

Much Love,
Kelli

Financing Your Freedom

Money, whether you have it or not will always be a constant companion to you.  It is not an easy subject to talk about, especially if you are struggling with it. As I am.  I don't usually like to hear about money or discuss it, but I read an article the other night that changed my mood and I wanted to share it with you in hopes you may be blessed by it as well.

I believe God can speak to us anywhere and through anything.  I had broken my cardinal rule of drinking caffeine after 7:00 pm, and was therefore predictably up after 11 pm, when I should have been blissfully asleep.  To help combat this I decided to read and took a magazine from the stack my Grammy Bear had sent on with me.  It turned out to be the August 2010 Oprah magazine.  I started thumbing through it backwards (as is my usual custom with magazines and I have no idea why) when I came to this article in the front: The Joy Divided (Martha Beck has no head for numbers (just ask her accountant), but she does have a proven strategy for converting money into happiness.)

Obviously it grabbed my attention right away.  Money and numbers aren't my thing.  I always try to pay my bills on time and pay any of them before I do anything fun with my money.  However, when you don't even have enough to pay your bills it can get rough.  I once heard a preacher say that 10% was not a sacrifice.  I beg to differ.  When you only have enough to pay the bills and the tithe would give you some extra cash to do the fringe things you need to do (oil change, new tires, hair cut, pay a little extra on the student loan) it can be particularly tough to tithe it. However, DO TITHE it!  You won't be sorry.

Sorry, tangent... so I wanted to read how this author used her money to receive happiness and how much it would cost me if I wanted to do the same.  I was surprised by her view on it and I thought what a way to look at it.  She divides every purchase up into four categories:

• I really NEED it, and I really LOVE it.
• I really NEED it, but I don't really LOVE it.
• I don't really NEED it, but I really LOVE it.
• I don't really NEED it, and I don't really LOVE it.

She concluded that you should spend your money accordingly:

• For I really NEED it, and I really LOVE it pay TOP DOLLAR
• For I really NEED it, but I don't really LOVE it pay BOTTOM DOLLAR
• For I don't really NEED it, but I really LOVE it pay w/ funds you can spend on those items
• For I don't really NEED it, and I don't really LOVE it DON'T BUY!!

What a great principle!

I believe in asking God for wisdom when spending money, but by spending it wisely you can also enjoy what you spend.  Those items that you don't love and don't need just don't buy.  Save it for those items that you really love with your rainy day spending money.  For your bills you may not LOVE certain ones, but you know what service or items are necessary to your life that you are willing to pay for.

This is also freeing for those of you who like to spend your money one way versus what others say you need to spend your money on.  For example a good concert would be more valuable to me than a great pair of shoes.  To me experience is better than tangible items.  However, to others the opposite might be true.  Therefore this idea and principle frees you from any comparison, and it allows you to spend your money how you need and want to without worry that you aren't spending it like someone else is.

So sit down and go through what you spend your money on.  Cut out what you don't love and don't want, and focus on the stuff you do.  You might even save some money!

Much Love,
Kelli

Forgiving Yourself

I don't think we ever face any tougher critic than ourselves. In fact for many of us our hatred of ourselves goes beyond what we might heap on our worst enemy. And I think most of it comes from the nasty decision to judge.

We judge everything, and while having good judgment is necessary we seem to lack the necessary wisdom needed when making a judgment. Especially about ourselves. Unlike God we cannot judge the heart of a man. So we do the next best thing and look at the actions and words of others to determine how we should proceed with that individual. We see the circumstances and their actions are perceived by us and most of the time we are lenient if we know they have a good heart. However, that leniency is not given to ourselves and I firmly believe it is because we think we can judge our hearts.

I also firmly believe that we don't judge our hearts correctly. I had a Bible Study Fellowship leader that used to repeat this phrase; "We need a high view of God and an accurate view of ourselves." I find in my circle that most have a very high view of God, but an incredibly inaccurate view of themselves. Me included. Part of the issue is perfectionism. I know I strive for it and fail every time. For reasons I don't yet understand I keep trying to achieve it, but the cost of doing so is killing parts of me that need to be nourished. I know I am not alone in this. Our society today demands more and more from us and I think it is crippling us to the point where we are literally killing ourselves. This needs to stop now.

It is so easy to tear down and so difficult to build up, but I think as women we have an innate ability to build each other up. Now, we all know women and have been victims of those that easily tear us down, but I say today, right now, we take our power back. Let those that tear people down be shown for what they are, and let you, yes you, start to build up another. The first way we can do this is with ourselves.

Take your biggest flaw. I mean a real flaw. One that doesn't paint you in a good light. One you struggle with: critical of others, over-eating, no filter when speaking, hot tempered, financially irresponsible, whatever the case may be, own that flaw. I don't mean accept it as good, I don't mean to continue in it, and I mean own that it is part of you. Now, if you are religious ask God to forgive you of that flaw. If you aren't then we will join you in the second part and I now want you to forgive you. Do it. Now. Once you've accepted and forgiven yourself for the flaw you hate the most about yourself you can now take it and help yourself.

If you are critical of others, take that eye for detail and pick out the good things in someone. Then compliment that person. A great placed compliment can go a very long way. If you over-eat think about who might benefit from the food you’re eating. For everything you eat donate the same amount to your local food bank. If you have no filter when speaking repeat this phrase every time before you open your mouth, "Even a fool is thought wise, if kept silent." (Proverbs 17:28) Then proceed to speak. If you are hot tempered find out what your trigger buttons are and become passionate about a solution to help alleviate the anger trigger. And if you are financially irresponsible find out small things you can do to help you become better at managing your finances. There is a solution out there for you, and your deepest flaw can reveal what can become your biggest treasure.

You are stuck with you until you die, and you are certainly worth the love and care you give to others. Having self-love doesn't have to be selfish. It can fulfill your role in helping others.



Get It Right
by Lea Michele

Much Love,
Kelli

A Love Story

"Do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:16-17

I was on my way to my usual Friday Night dinner with dear friends and I was thinking over the week.  I, of course, was flipping through stations as I was in my dad's truck and not my radio-deprived car when Bruno Mars' song, "Grenade" came on.

I have the song nearly memorized and wasn't thinking much about it until the chorus came,

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,

Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya

You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya

As a single girl I have certainly thought of what my "prince charming" might be like, and I don't know of a single person who wouldn't feel excited if someone felt the same way the person in the lyrics does.  This got me to thinking about who in my life might have this same sentiment for me.  And like a ton of bricks it hit me: Jesus.

As many know I've been reading Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, and much of the book is focused on the love of Jesus and the powerful Enemy (Satan) who hates us.  So, I wanted to share with you a love story that you might not be aware of, and one that you are fully apart of:

My favorite stories always started with someone who didn't know their worth and the hero who saw it and did everything to rescue the person not only from themselves but from a very powerful enemy.

I think we could all be describing ourselves or someone we know in this scenario.  There are so many who don't know their self worth and understand what an incredible human being they are.  God saw it.  He not only created you but loved you so much he sent a Hero to save you.  You are not bad and horrible, sinful yes, but so worthy of love and of course forgiveness.

Jesus saw you, all of you, and loved you so much that he willingly laid down his life to rescue you.  To bring you back to him and his father so that you could live forever with him. And until you got to them he sent you a guide to help you through the dangerous perils that we all have to fight.

The best stories are not only where there is a hero who fights, but where the main character has to fight and learns that they too are of value and bring something to the story.  That, my beloved is you.  God sent Jesus to rescue, Jesus loved you enough to die for you (and if you were the only one he would have willingly died for just you), and Jesus sent the Holy Spirit so that you could continue in this world until you are re-united with your savior, hero, and love.

I don't think there is a better story.  And unlike the song that inspired this song, you have the ability to love back and know from you heart outward how much you are loved.  You just have to accept the love.

If you have any questions I'm here.

Much Love,
Kelli