When It Rains...

Earlier today I used the expression, "straw that broke the camel's back", but that doesn't encompass all that has happened.  It is more... "when it rains it pours".

I know, you would think I would have happy news to report, but as we all know, things can always get worse.... much, much, worse.  How much worse could it get you ask?  Well, for starters our A/C went out at the house.  I live in Texas.  That bad.  So bad, that it went out yesterday (Wednesday), was given a diagnosis, diagnosis was half off, and they were at fault, no workers today (Thursday), and won't be fixed until tomorrow (Friday).  Three days without air conditioner...

Now for the slimy person who is about to say anything about the following:

1. They didn't have air conditioning a hundred years ago,
2. At least you have electricity,
3. There's always the pool,
4. Or at least a cold shower,
5. It could get worse

Yeah, you, that dark thing coming your way is my fist.

1. No they didn't, but we do now and our bodies are not used to it, plus 100 degree heat here!
2. Yes, but when you're sweating in a pile of goo you can't focus on anything
3. Yes, but you can't sleep in the pool
4. Water resources are precious and there is not enough cold water to make it feel better
5. It could, thank you for that.

Do you sense a bit of bitterness here?  I keep hoping, praying, pleading, reading my Bible, but right now it isn't happening for me.

So, what do I do when it gets this bad.  I turn the music up in my car and sing, loudly.  This is what I sing:



"Unchained" by Van Halen: "Here's to your thin red line... I'm stepping over!"

And this is my ultimate feeling upset and angry song:



"I'm getting edgy , all the time
There's someone around me just a step behind
Its kinda scary , the shape I'm in
The walls r shaking and they're closing in
Too fast or a bit too slow
I'm paranoid of people and its starting to show
there's one guy that i cant shake
over my shoulder is a big mistake
sitting on a bed or lying wide awake
there's demons in my head and its more than i can take
i think I'm on a roll but i think its kinda weak
saying all i know is i gotta get away from me


Tell you somethin' just ain't right
My head is all loose but my shoes are tight
avoiding my friends cause they all bug
life is like a riddle and I'm really stumped

There's a reason don't you know
Preoccupation is the way you go
I think I'm followed i look around"

And Then There Was Hope

As the story goes after all the ills of the world were released from Pandora's box hope also escaped.  It has certainly been tough. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still very much in the Forrest, but that hope that had seemed to be so far gone, is back.

In fact I'm listening to "Don't Rain on My Parade" and have no trace of bitterness while doing so.  So, you may be asking what changed, where did the hope come from.

I believe in God's restoration, and I know that He will bless me in far greater ways than I can imagine, but the hope he gave me these past few days came in the form of ideas.  Something that could very well work, and one I'm certainly hoping does.

From CommXTech we are providing two new things:

• Partnership Program - If you can referr us a customer you can get up to 40% commission of the sale.  And all you have to do is referr the client.  We take care of all the hard work and when we're paid we pay you within seven days of receiving that payment.  Most commissions are 30%, but we have several products we offer at 40% to you.  If you are interested you can go to partnership program for CommXTech.
• 20 for 20 - This nifty feature allows you to ask any of our experts anything that you need to know and in 20 minutes for $20 they will answer it and help you.  Money back guarantee.

So, I'm super excited by it.  Meanwhile tonight is Glee, Women Cops of Memphis, and whatever program they have after.  I watch way too much TV in the summer.  It's bad.

Questions I Don't Ask / Answers I Don't Know

The subject line comes from the song, "I'm Running" by Mistress Barbara ft. Sam Roberts.  I don't think it could describe me any better at this moment.

I don't like being discouraged.  I don't like being un-happy, and I certainly don't like being down this long.  Each day I wake up, hoping that today is the day when it all turns around.  I pray, I seek God's council, and I do my best with what I know.  I truly believe this is all you can do, but some days, like today, it just doesn't seem enough.

I keep thinking there is a question I should be asking, an answer I should know, and yet I don't know what they are.  I know they'll come, and I know that I'll move along, but right now, I really wish that not only did I know the questions to ask, but honestly, that the answers were what I wanted to hear.

I'm hurting right now, but I'm hopeful.  I'm scared, but I'm excited for a different future.  And I have a headache, but that to will pass.

"I'm running from the fear,
Of not knowing where to go
From the questions I don't ask
And the answers I don't know."

If you feel like this now and again too... here's to us:

In A World of Pure Imagination

I don't even know what to say... I'm at the point of tears and I feel...disappointed.  However, when I see the AT&T commercial and it plays "Pure Imagination" from the Willy Wonka movie it never fails to put a smile on my face.  I think I've had more genuine smiles today than I've had in a while, and yet my heart is breaking.

I obviously can't predict the future, and my faith well... I don't know that it is very strong for this situation.    It isn't pride, at least not the majority of it.  I know that no matter what you do sometimes, no matter how hard you work, it doesn't work out.  However, when it is your dream, when it is your hard work, to see it possibly be over...

I have no idea what to do.  I don't have answers just more and more questions.  I really wish sometimes that God worked with neon signs and that when I needed to know it was right there for me to read.  Of course who knows if I would even realize that it was from Him right?

So, I sit here next to my dog, watching Police Women of Memphis and scratching my dog while typing one handed.  With no more answers than when I started, but hoping that God will help me get through this harsh time, and if a miraculous blessing in the form of keeping this dream alive is in His will then great.  And if there isn't one, that He will help me through this time.

So, I'll leave you with this, something that gives me a smile, just like the police officer, Joy.

A Dream

When I close my eyes these days I imagine what life will be like in six months. It's part of the hope I hold on to to keep me going.  I see an ever increasing customer base.  I see people starting to use our products, CommXStation, Artist Avail Network, and/or Book-It X.  I see a regular pay check, actual money that allows me to really start paying off my credit card, my personal student loan, and my parent plus loan.  I see my saving money as I get ready to buy a new vehicle.  I see a regular smile on my face.

When I think of six months from  now I think of the song "So Far Away" by Staind.  I'm actually going to embed my favorite video of the song.

Happy 4th of July Weekend!

I don't know how you are going to spend your weekend, but mine includes sleep.  Lots of it.  However, it begins by going out to dinner with friends while there is a downpour and I'm rather worried about my hair... I wouldn't worry but I don't have a rubber band and my hair is kind of scary when it has been wetted down.  The top sticks to my head like Alfalfa on Little Rascals and the lower part spreads out as if it had ambitions of being a 'fro.  Not pretty and the fact this will be made public at a Chili's is even worse...somehow.

Other than that it has been a good day.  I dedicated the Top 5 to our Nation's Independence Day.  I so love this country and want nothing but the best for it.  And I'm so grateful for all who have sacrificed to make it the best on Earth.

And this song, well it gets me every time.  Enjoy and have a great 4th of July!

Not Obsessed

If I read that line alone I would giggle.  We all know I can get obsessed about things rather quickly, but today I went and saw Eclipse.  It is the first of the three movies out that I actually really liked and could see why everyone is so obsessed with it.  However, I refuse to be obsessed with one more thing.  I don't need it.  Glee is enough of a new obsession for me, thank you.  Not to mention when One Tree Hill comes back.

All of that aside, trying hard to get the business out there and promoted.  I hate going to a Pay Pal account, but I don't have the resources to open a private merchant account yet for Restored Sunshine Letters.  I'm all set for when I do start the website, the government and I are aware of each other now.  Unfortunately.

If you are thinking of opening your own business please remember that the government is going to be way too involved in what you are doing.  Especially if it has anything to do with food.  I haven't even gotten to the actual making cookies part yet and I'm already overwhelmed.  I'm still excited about all the things that could happen, but the reality of everything is taking some of the shine off all the newness.

Meanwhile I'm stoked for this up coming three day holiday.  It is suppose to rain on Sunday, but I'm okay with that.  This will be an opportunity to really recover from last week's family reunion.  It was so nice to see everyone and talk, but I'm tired.  

On a lighter note I heard, "Here Comes the Sun" which is one of those great songs God plays for me when he knows I need an encouraging word.  God is so sweet sometimes.  I so appreciated that moment, and even though my radio cut out it was still enough to give me a smile.

Over all really good day.  Since I did see Eclipse and I did enjoy it, I will play an awesome video I saw. Really great  music too!